Baja Scrapbook

I hope you don’t have dial up internet, cause I posted about 400 photos. One for each meal that I ate while on vacation. Are you hoping that I have some valuable tips for not only surviving the vacay, but actually thriving?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *chortling and gagging a bit* Yes, well actually I have a few tips up my ever tightening sleeve.

Jesus appreciates tips, how about you?

Protein Girl’s Tips - Cruising for Chicks

1. Don’t go! Kidding. Definitely go, but make sure to go in Boy Scout Mode, as in Be Prepared. Bag up some veggies (they weren’t always available or plentiful at the buffet which was an unpleasant surprise to this Veggie Glutton), bring apples to your cabin, bring your own nuts from home and bring them up to your breakfast (but you can’t bring them or any produce in port – that was another shocker that made for a hungry girl on land).
2. Make a plan with your traveling partner and see if you’re on the same page. Your travel partner will influence your eating (and vice versa). Do you want to walk everywhere (including the stairs)? Schedule at least a little time to move, preferably before breakfast, or it won’t happen.
3. Just because you have a dessert, doesn’t mean you’ve blown it and should just have all of them.
4. If you do order a dessert and it sucks, do NOT eat it. Just get a different one – there is no reason to eat a bad dessert when a fabulous one probably has the same calories.
5. Walk everywhere when in port. We skipped taxis and opted for walking with a little city bus ride. It’s a great way to see the place plus get in your exercise. We walked at least 10 miles one gorgeous day in Mazatlan which felt great after all that indulgence.

And I know you all want to see my blurry, random photographs that I managed to snap between all that eating.

A bag of kitties! Mi Hermana: “Sheesh, do you have PetDar or something? You keep photographing every random animal in Mexico.” Yes, as a matter of fact, I have CatDar and DogDar. And x-ray vision. Not shown are the chickens in the street and multiple dogs on rooftops.

Okay, this is me with a gallon of self-tanner lathered on (enough xenoestrogens to give all the guys at Venice Beach Gold’s Gym c-cups). Gringa! I’m not a soda drinker but good thing I don’t live here, because the Mexican formula for Diet Coke (Coca Light) is yummy!

Are you kidding me? A magazine dedicated to fun, blended Mexican beverages? I shall be moving to Mazatlan shortly.

This is why I avoid sugar. It’s my signature magic trick (or illusion, as Job from Arrested Development would say) to make all that sugar and fat disappear…and then reappear on my glutes! Ta Da! Only the threats from my sister kept me from licking the plate in public. I do best with a sugar-free lifestyle because real sugar desserts trigger chemical madness for me. The chocolate cake was a sugar free mousse that I ordered that sucked. The waiter (totally unsolicited, mind you) brought me this bananas foster that frankly, was worth every calorie. It was not worth the sugar cravings that it triggered for the rest of the trip however.

My usual cruise breakfast: smoked salmon, half-caf coffee, a bit of fruit and eggs or an egg white omelet (usually all of the above…). And a Vita-Mix on board! I wish that I had brought along some protein powder and sweet-talked the bartender to making me a shake to help avoid all the temptation.

You notice I’m much thicker here than last summer’s ripped arms here. It’s all good…I’m going to GENTLY slim down by about 5 pounds of bodyfat without punishing myself or even dieting.

Ah, Vive Mejor!

Bottoms up! What happens when you mix tequila samples and free champagne? I’m about to find out. HINT: It involves willpower (or the lack thereof) and a dessert buffet.

All dressed up for a night on the town.

Used once. Poor lonely treadmills.

Blogging at sea.

When in foreign countries, the tourists go grocery shopping! I like getting ‘the flavor’ of a country by seeing their markets. This particular one in Cabo San Lucas sold high end items that I can only find at our local gourmet shop. Yes, I’m sure the locals use lots of Double Roasted Garlic Lemonaise Light and Virgil’s All Natural Rootbeer in the keg. Sarcastic? I’m just jealous.

My Mexican Core Workout. Riding the city bus and holding on for dear life. And drive carefully here, Palm Tree Crossing, at least in hurricanes.

 

This was the best soup of my entire life. At least I think there was soup somewhere under all those freshly fried chips, crema and avocado. Eaten with a prayer of thanksgiving at La Copa de Leche in Mazatlan. Because of this soup, I only allow myself to be photographed in this bikini from the waist up. Again, it was worth it. That’s what vacations are for, eating, no I mean exploring local culture.

Overheard by a tattooed male surfing tourist next to me. “Nice rack!” Fortunately for him, he was referring to the statue. Americans are such wonderful cultural ambassadors!

We walked for hours in the heat, up and down the steep sloped streets of Puerto Vallarta, looking for El Arryan, a local restaurant with reportedly great food. We wound up in bad neighborhoods, dead ends and concerned locals’ backyards until AT LAST! We found the restaurant…

But alas, it was Tuesday and closed. Thankfully I had lots of gum in my backpack and a water bottle.

 

Chocolate Mint Chiclets! I bought about $200 pesos worth of sugar free gum in fun Mexican flavors. As well as these protein shake flavor enhancements, Be Light, Zuko and Clight.

Look at all the beautiful produce that I couldn’t eat (mi hermana wouldn’t let me. She’s always the rational voice – the Elinor to my Marianne). I was very excited about a sign for a Pumpkin Taco and was about to rush to buy one at a local stand when my sister (fortunately fluent in Spanish) pointed out that it was not in fact a calabaza taco, but a cabeza taco. Mystery head meat and not pumpkin. Ay carumba!

As we carnally looked at all these goodies in the market, my sister wistfully muttered, “I’m one bad street taco away from my ideal weight.” Despite the siren song of Mexican yumminess, it was the one temptation we avoided.

  

All vacations come to an end. Mostly because ships eventually run out of food.

Upon returning, the customs form asked me if I had over $10,000 in currency to declare. Um, no. But I do have about 15,000 calories to declare. I guess some souvenirs will last a bit longer than others.

I ♥ travel but I also ♥ home. I have some dear loved ones here waiting for me. Like this guy.

One last image of caution before you go cruising:

 

Buddha before the cruise. Buddha after the cruise.

Glad to be home. I missed ya.

P.S. I had a blast and can’t wait to go again. But next time, I’m taking the stairs.